Love You Through It
by Arizonafan
Summary: This story is a continuation of Healing Hands. Callie and Arizona are married and mothers to three beautiful children. Their life has taken a turn for the better. How will their story change when one of our girls begins the fight of her life?
1. Chapter 1

Hello again all! This story is a little different than others that I have seen on here. It is not about our girls meeting and falling in love. It is a little further down the road from there. It doesn't exactly pick up where Healing Hands left off but it is a second part to it. So expect Sophia, Sarah, and Sam to play a big part in our girls' lives. This story might not be everyone's cup of tea. But it is something that I have wanted to write for a while. And I think that it has the potential to be meaningful to some. It may not contain a ton of sexy time and fluff; maybe I can write one of those after this one is done. But for those of you who will take the time to read a few chapters, I hope that you like the story. And if not, feel free to give me some pointers for the next story. Looking forward to going on another journey with you!

Callie's POV

I love work. I do. Breaking bones and cutting people open. Love it. But my awesome, badass job takes me away from my awesome, badass little family. Therefore, breaking bones can suck it. It is seven o'clock in the morning. I hear Sophia rummaging around downstairs, probably packing the last of her homework which was strewn across the kitchen table last night. Sarah is nuzzled into Arizona's neck with two strong arms wrapped around her back. One of them is snoring, I can't tell which. And six month old Sam is still sound asleep in his room. The baby monitor hasn't even picked up one whimper or babble since eleven last night. He sleeps through the night and has been for the past month. Talk about a relief. He is a good baby. I wouldn't expect anything less from a baby born to Arizona. She has had him on a schedule since we brought him home from the hospital, just like she did with Sarah. And the kids thrive on it. You would think that the cop in her would make for a disciplinarian or someone who gives tough love. That couldn't be farther from the truth. Each time that one of the children misbehaves, it calls for a conversation and a reasonable time out. I am pretty sure that Sam started sleeping through the night to get away from the "talks". But to be honest, I cannot remember the last time that Sophia was punished and Sarah is the sweetest little girl that I have ever met. She is caring and compassionate. She is stubborn like her mothers, but sweet. And Sam is a normal little boy. He is starting to crawl and babble. He has dark blonde hair and bright blue eyes. The longer we let his hair get, the curlier it looks. And Arizona. Well she is perfect. She is a devoted wife and mother. She does… everything. From the house to the kids… she takes care of it all. And she is still able to work me into the mix most of the time. I couldn't have asked for a better partner to share my life with. And honestly, I am honored to share our life with her. She hasn't lost all of the baby weight which I know bothers her. But it slightly levels the playing field with our bodies so I love it. And she could gain a hundred more pounds and she would still be the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen. She has been a little run down lately from all the extra work. She falls asleep quicker and eats less. I think she is probably coming down with a virus which will not be great for the kids. But it will give me an excuse to take a few days off and nurse… well… doctor her back to health. She still works from home and only has meeting with clients two days out of the week. She works it around my work schedule so that one of us is always home with Sam. Sophia is in seventh grade and is, as always, Arizona's little girl. They tag team the house work and baby duties. Arizona has never pushed this responsibility on her; Sophia just does it because she wants to. And she loves her little brother. She is an amazing sister to the other two. Sarah has just started kindergarten and has had her moments with lack of attention. Luckily, Sophia so readily takes Sam that Arizona and Sarah can spend a lot of one on one time together. And I have my special time with her when I get home from work, also. This new change is hard on a five year old so we have had to make a few adjustments to the schedule so that she has no doubt how much we love and want her. The girls are at school throughout the week and I usually have to pick up one day on the weekend to work but Sundays are our days as a family. But today is not Sunday, sadly. And I have to leave my little family and go to work. I give Arizona a kiss on the cheek and she stirs a little, pulling Sarah in a little tighter. I smile and give her another kiss on the corner of her mouth and she turns toward me, slowly opening her eyes. Her sleepy blue eyes blink a few times before locking onto mine and she breaks out into her award winning smile.

"Morning beautiful," I whisper to her. She smiles brighter. "I gotta go, ok? Sam is still out, Im going to put some coffee on and some biscuits for you and Sarah. They will be ready after your alarm goes off. Call me later. I love you." She mouths "I love you" back to me and I give her and Sarah another kiss before I am out of the door. Sophia already has her breakfast fixed. A granola bar, a bowl of grits, and an orange juice. I would happily make her breakfast but she has become so independent in her nearly teenage years that I don't have a chance to do it before she does.

"Morning Mija"

"Morning."

"How did you sleep?"

"Alright I guess. Sam woke up around two and needed a diaper. I couldn't go back to sleep after so I read a few of his books while he went back to sleep."

"Soph. Baby you aren't supposed to get up with him. That is why we have a baby monitor so that Mom and I can hear him if he cries."

"I know. But Mom has been all tired lately and when I heard him I was up so… I just did it. I was back asleep before three. Not a big deal." Told you she was a help.

"Alright. Well thank you, Mija, that is very sweet. But you are his sister… you don't have to take care of him. Finish your breakfast, we gotta get going." I put on a pot of coffee and a pan of biscuits in the oven. Arizona's alarm will sound in twenty minutes and she will have to get Sarah and Sam up and ready for their day. Sophia and I head out, locking the door behind us. The ride to her school is as usual, we laugh at the morning DJs on the radio and talk about upcoming assignments for school. She asks which of us will be picking her up and I tell her that I will. After an "I love you" and a few "Have a good day's" she is out of the car and I am on my way to work. This has become our morning routine. As boring as it sounds, it is our life. And we couldn't be happier.

Walking into work is bittersweet. I wish I were back home cuddled with my wife and planning which park we will bring the kids to. But as soon as I see my first case I am back into work mode. An early morning surgery puts me back in the bone breaking mood. Midway through repairing a meniscus tear my intern lets me know that I got a message from Arizona. She knows the protocol when I am in surgery so I feel comfortable having my coworker check it.

He reads the message and looks to me. "Arizona asked if she can come by and have you check her out." The wording elicits a few obnoxious cat calls from some of the guys in the room. Even behind a scrub mask my face silences them.

"She is sick, assholes." I look to the intern. "Tell her to come by around 1." He nods and I raise an eyebrow at the rest of my coworkers, daring them to make another sound. After a few seconds of silence pass I am back to work. Damn men.

_Four Hours Later_

There's my girl. And my boy. I just scrubbed out of a second surgery to realize that I was late for my meeting with my wife. She is now chatting with some nurses who are fawning over my baby.

"Hey sweetheart… you still feelin' crappy?" She smiles when she sees me and Sam reaches for me with tiny hands. I take him from his mother's arms and she lets her arm fall to her side, seemingly spent from the twenty minutes of holding him.

"Yea. Just run down. I don't know what it is." I place the back of my palm to her forehead. I don't feel a fever so I lean in and place my cheek to hers. Still nothing. I place a kiss to her temple and take her hand in mine, leading her to an open room nearby.

"Baby there isn't much that we can do for a virus. We gotta let it run its course."

"I know. I just wish it would hurry up and get here. I don't feel sick though. Just bad. Tired, weak, no energy. I would be fine puking for two days and getting over it." I begin wondering if the physical symptoms she is feeling are related to some type or postpartum depression. All of the symptoms fit.

"Babe do you think it is hormonal or something? You stopped breastfeeding last month, maybe it's just a belated bout of the baby blues." She seemed to consider the notion once entering the room.

"But I'm not depressed Calliope. I am happy. Like really happy. All the time. I think it is just some sort of bug."

"Well I will take some blood and bring home some Pedialyte, dehydration can sometimes cause these types of problems so it will replace whatever it is that you might be lacking. I'll start you on a Z-pack and maybe knock whatever it is out before it gets worse. When did you first start noticing it?"

She thinks for a minute. "Well we have three children, I think I have been tired for 11 years. But it seems to have gotten worse about six weeks ago. I've gotten more listless."

"Alright. Well we will get you fixed up." I give her my best smile and give her a quick peck on the cheek before handing Sam back over to her and wrap a tourniquet around her left arm to draw blood. "I promise."

After a few tubes of blood are drawn and sent up, I send my wife home to rest. Sam is left with me since I only have an hour and a half left of work. He will happily be passed between doting nurses and interns while I finish my rounds. A long nap will do her good. It isn't long before her labs come back and show slightly elevated white blood cells. Must be some kind of infection. I will get her in again and see if we narrow it down and start her on some antibiotics. A few more rounds and my baby and I can head out and pick up my girls from school. It may make for a long night for me, especially having to do it all again tomorrow, but I promised my girl that I would take care of everything until she feels better. And I intend to keep that promise. After all that the woman has done for me, saving my life, making me a wife, raising three beautiful children who have her laugh and her uncanny ability to brighten me day… well it is the least that I can do.


	2. Chapter 2

I forgot to add the disclaimer for chapter one. Of course, I own nothing. All characters are owned by the creators of Grey's. Sarah and Sam are the only main characters that are mine. Any song lyrics or quotes are all owned by others. I don't claim any ownership. Just having fun. Also, just an FYI. I wanted to get this chapter out because I will be busy with work for the next few days. But there is a possibility that this story will be cut short. I found out that the same premise is already being done by a Mark/Lexie fanfic writer and my title and summary are nearly identical. So I wouldn't want to cause any animosity so I talked to the author for that fic and we will see if I can continue with the story or if it is too similar for her comfort. No big deal either way. I am sure that I can come up with another story. And next time I will make sure a greater mind didn't think of it before I did. Thank you guys for reading.

Arizona's POV

I am woken up from my nap by a wet kiss on my face. Then another. I stretch my body and yawn, trying to will myself awake when I am hit with another kiss. This one a little….. too wet. I grimace and open my eyes expecting to find my wife when I am met with wide open blue eyes and soft blonde curly hair. His mother has lowered him to the bed and he is all but licking my face. I pull away and run a dry hand over my wet cheek and take the happy boy onto my chest.

"Morning" I greet my wife. She laughs and joins me on the other side of the bed, propping herself on her elbow and moving my hair off of my shoulders.

"Afternoon, babe." I check the bedside table to see that it is nearly four pm.

"Girls?"

"Downstairs. Homework." I nod my head. "This one needs some Momma time." She tickles his side causing him to buck and twist. I would normally love the family time with a happy baby but I don't have the strength to hold him while he thrashes about and his tiny feet digging into my abdomen hurts. Callie must see the look on my face so she rolls our baby off of me, placing him on his back in between us.

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's ok. You are allowed to be sick, ya know. You aren't wonder woman." Callie strokes a hand through my hair and down my jaw line. "We got your labs back. Elevated white blood cells. You have an infection somewhere babe."

"When do we find out where it is?"

"I will get you back in tomorrow to see if we can run some more tests. I am sure it is nothing. Maybe just a respiratory infection."

"Tomorrow is no good. I have my doctor's appointment with the OBGYN. Six month check up. It is at 9 I think."

"What about after?"

"Can't. Early dismissal. Girls get out of school at 12."

"I take back what I said earlier. Maybe you are wonder woman." Callie smiles at me and I lean in to kiss her when Sarah's voice rings out across the house. I pull back from my wife and sneer.

"Let's go. I'll help you get dinner on."

"No. I got them. You rest. I'll bring dinner up and you can take the night off." I try to protest, weakly I must say, but she silences me with a kiss after getting herself and Sam out of the bed. As soon as she shuts the door behind her I am on her side of the bed, my nose in her pillow, quickly falling asleep to her scent. What did I ever do to deserve her?

The smell of dinner wakes me from my… 3 hour nap. Wow. I have slept over five hours today. I feel a little groggy but want to get down to my family. I stretch my sore muscles which protest the action after being rested for hours. I hear heavy feet coming up the stair and open the door just as she reaches the knob. A warm smile on the face of my wife greets me, making me feel better immediately. She holds up a tray adorned with an amazing looking dinner, a glass of a wine, and a flower.

"I am going to come eat with you guys if that's ok. I haven't seen Soph since yesterday."

"You sure you feel up to it?" Callie leans over the tray and kisses my cheek. "You can eat in bed." She kisses down my jaw line to my ear. "And a… sponge bath…. Might be… in order" She says in between nips to my neck.

Well I WAS feeling sick, but I could miss an earthquake when this woman is this close to me. "Mmm… as much as I would love to continue this, there are three children downstairs with plates of red sauce." She smiles into my skin and growls.

"Mmm… they are angels… it will be fine."

"Angels with a propensity to find our white accents. You will be purchasing the next area rug if you don't get down there fast."

"You're right. Let's go," she groans. I take the tray from the brunette and follow her down the stairs to our kitchen where I am greeted by three smiling faces covered in spaghetti sauce. I sit down next to Callie and across from our kids. Sam, who is at the head of the table, is still too young to be eating adult food but we have had him tested for allergies and he has none. And the boy loves Callie's cooking. So he gets a portion of whatever sauce she is cooking that night which usually disappears long before his mashed peas and squash. Sarah has not mastered the elusive noodle yet so she spends half of her time spinning her fork on the plate for show then using her fingers to feed herself when she thinks that no one is looking. Sophia is a perfect lady, except when it comes to Callie's dinner. She could care less about food on her perfect little face when she is in the comfort of just her family's presence. Small talk fills the air and our little boy even puts in his two cents when there is a lull in the conversation. If there is anyone that can make me feel better it is these four. After a round of baths and moms checking over homework, the kids are ready for bed. I let Callie take care of calming the younger two while I talk to our oldest in her room. She tells me about her day while we both lay in her bed. She is talking about gymnastics and her upcoming soccer game. She is absentmindedly strumming her guitar while talking. The next thing that I remember is her hand on my shoulder shaking me.

"Glad I am so interesting!" She says sarcastically.

"Sorry baby, must have fallen asleep. I heard everything, soccer game, new cleats, heard it all." I yawn and rub my eyes, sitting up on her bed.

"Yea, that was like five minutes ago. You missed the part about Jacob and our hot make-out sess…."

"WHAT?" I shoot daggers at my daughter before she erupts into laugher and pushes me out of her bed.

"I'm joking, mom!" She lays her guitar down and pulls the covers up to her chin, pulling her pillow into her body. "Not that I would mind making out with Jac…. Ow!" She covers her face as blows from her pillow reign down on her body. "Kidding! Kidding!" After I feel that I have gotten my point across via a beating, I place her pillow back into her arms and tuck her comforter around her body. I lean down and place a kiss on her forehead.

"That better be the only kiss you get for the next…twelve years."

"That would make me 24, mom. Honestly."

"Mhm. You heard what I said. Sleep tight. See you in the morning. Love you."

"Love you too, mom. Hey, glad you are feeling better."

"Me too, sweetie." I close Sophia's door and head down the hall to check on the progress of putting the other munchkins to sleep. It isn't long before Sarah is snoring and Sam is nodding off to the sound of his mobile. As we stand in the doorway of Sam's room watching him fall asleep I kiss my wife's cheek and wrap my arms around her waist, laying my head on her shoulder. "Let's get to bed."

"Mmm, thought you would never ask."

As I walk with my wife through our halls toward our bedroom, I wonder how I got so lucky. The woman of my dreams, the love of my life, the most beautiful girl I have ever seen goes to sleep with my every night. We have three amazing kids who literally light up my world. A beautiful house, good jobs. We finally got it right.

_Twelve hours later_

"A… um… a mass?" My words echo the woman's in front of me. "A mass…"

"We don't know anything for sure. It is common for there to be thickening of the tissue during and after breastfeeding. If you only stopped nursing… a month ago… it's possible…"

"I stopped two months ago." I haven't made eye contact with my doctor since she spoke the words. They are locked onto my hands which are fidgeting nervously in my lap. She drops the scans on the counter and sits next to me on the bed. Her arms wraps around my shoulder.

"We have a plan. Ok? We will schedule a biopsy for tomorrow. It will take about a week to get the results back. And then we will make another plan. But I don't want you to think the worst. It is entirely possible that this is a result of hormones and your body changing post-pregnancy. And if it isn't, then we caught it early. We have a leading cancer ward which will…"

Cancer. The rest of her words fade as soon as that word hits my ears. She is talking about cancer.

"Arizona?" I am able to tune back into the voice floating around the room. "Can we call anyone for you?"

"Callie." My doctor squeezes my shoulder and walks out of the room leaving my door open. It is less than a minute before she returns.

"We went ahead and called her at the hospital. She is on her way. I told her that we would tell her more once she gets here so, it is up to you if you want to speak with her or you want me to." Nicole has been our doctor since before Sarah was born. She delivered both of the younger kids. She's been mine and Callie's doctor for years. I trust her. If she says that it could be nothing then it has to be nothing. It has to be.

It takes about thirty minutes for Callie to get to the doctor's office. It is right down the street from Seattle Grace but I am sure that she had to move some surgeries and explain to some people why she had to leave. I hear her voice outside of my room. She sounds a little panicked and her voice is strained. My doctors soothing voice does little to cut the tension. To be honest, I am feeling a little embarrassed that she had to come. But as soon as I see her face in the doorway, I forget the feeling. Her eyes are wide. Before I can say a word she is crossing the room, standing between my legs, stirrups from the bed on either side of her hips. She kisses my forehead and looks into my eyes. "What's going on?"

"They uh… we did a breast exam and…well…" I curse myself for not being able to find the words. My stuttering is scaring her and the last thing that I want to do is scare her anymore than she already is. I should have waited until I knew for sure. There is no point in scaring her now just to find out in a week that it is nothing. Right?

"We found a mass in her left breast." My doctor has closed the door and stands on the opposite side of the room, charts covering her chest and her arms crossed over them. Callie turns her head toward her as I drop my gaze to her hands on my knees. "It is about the size of a quarter. There was some tenderness during the exam which raises some concern." Callie's eyebrows are pulled together and her mouth is slightly open. She squeezes my legs and her eyes remains on Nicole. "But like I told Arizona, it could be a result of nursing Sam, it could be hormonal, and it could be a benign cyst." Callie lets out a deep breath which she had been holding and pulls me into her chest. I can feel her heart beating and can hear the air being forced into and out of her lungs. I close my eyes. "We have scheduled a biopsy for tomorrow so that we can get the results back by next week. That way, if we do have to go through any type of treatment, we can start that as soon as possible." Nicole continues, trying to be as professional as possible while still maintaining compassion for a patient. I am grateful that she was the one to tell my wife. I obviously did not have the courage to do so.

"Alright," Callie's voice is high pitched. She seems almost… cheery. "Well this is a good thing." I lift my head and my eyes find hers. Her eyebrows are no longer pulled together but are raised on her forehead. Her eyes are wide and she wears a smile. I would be confused had I not been close enough to see the tears welling at the bottom of her eyes. "At least we know now. And it is small, right?" She looks to Nicole. When the doctor nods she nods back and looks back to me. "It's small. And in a week we can find out that it is just one of those crazy things that happens to your body after you have a baby. And we can laugh about this. Because everything will be over and it will be fine." I give her a sympathetic smile, feeling her fear and worry as well as my own. "And right now, we are going to get you back in your clothes. Dr. Nicole and I are going to step out and talk about a few things. And then you and I are going to get lunch and spend the rest of the day with our kids." Callie moves to exit the room but I am able to drum up enough strength to grab her by the waist and hold her to me. I press my ear to her chest. She smells like perfume and the hospital. She wraps one strong arm around my back and the other hand finds my chin, lifting my face toward hers. Her eyes have dried and she is smiling. I can tell that it's forced. "It's nothing. Ok? It's going to be nothing." She nods while she speaks and I can't help but nod back. She squeezes me tight to her before placing a kiss on my forehead and walking out of the room, Nicole at her heels. I slide off of the bed and to the corner of the room where I find my clothes in a pile. Pushing all thoughts out of my mind, I put my clothes on and walk to the door.

"It's nothing. She is right. It's nothing."


	3. Chapter 3

"Damn it Calliope, Just go!" Arizona is wrapping herself with a towel after stepping out of the bath in our room, clearly having a bad day.

"Arizona, I really think…"

"I don't care! What about what I think? I think you need to go to work. I think that you need to stop treating me like I am a damn child. I think you need to stop fighting with me and go!" She ties the towel around her body and moves to the vanity to comb her wet hair. I am about five feet from her, watching her reflection in the mirror. She is tired. And scared. And angry. The anger is a new one.

The past week has been rough. Since her biopsy, Arizona has been withdrawn. But before today she had been as close to normal as she could be. With the kids and work, she has maintained her routine. I brought Sophia to school this morning, she took Sarah, Sam is in the jumper in our room. I came home after dropping Sophia at school, having taken the day off. Arizona's biopsy was a week ago yesterday. The procedure only lasted about thirty minutes and it was done in the middle of the day while the kids were at school. The doctor said it would take a week to find anything out. Yesterday marked a week. And today is Friday. If we don't get results today then we have to wait the whole weekend without knowing. And I know that the wait is killing her. We have waited to tell the kids what is going on, obviously. There is no use in scaring them when we find out that it is nothing. But I think that Arizona and I know the truth. It isn't nothing. We both have the feeling. The instinct. We have both lived our lives on instinct. Hers for her own survival, mine to help others survive. Instinct is not something that is taught in medical school or residency. It is something that you acquire. It is the difference between closing up a patient after a successful surgery and taking the extra five minutes to find a bleed or a tear that you didn't see but know is there. It is the difference between life and death. For a patient. Arizona's instincts are different. She has been a cop for nearly all of her adult life. She has a military family. Instincts for Arizona are a matter of life and death. Her own life. She has taken on gunfire. She has chased armed suspects. She has had to fight with men twice her size. She has protected lives when people didn't even know they were being protected. Her instincts have kept her alive. It is the feeling in your gut that tells you to run before you see the danger, to strike before you are struck. These are the same instincts that cause her to take our child's hand just before she stumbles or to throw a protective arm over the seat next to her when the car in front of us comes to a sudden stop. She is always in survival mode. Neither of us has actually said the words to the other, but we know what this is. I know that she knows and she knows that I know. It is in the words that we don't say. The looks. The tears. As much as I don't want to believe it, we know. I have prepared myself for the worst, just so that I am not surprised. And I know that she has done the same.

The brush landing on the vanity pulls me from my thoughts and I meet Arizona's cold blue eyes in the mirror. Her cheeks are flushed and she is biting her bottom lip, all of the signs that she is about to break down. As soon as she drops her head and her shoulders slump I am by her side, my arms wrapping around her waist.

"Baby…"

"Callie…" Arizona's voice is strained and her breathing is shallow. She braces herself with both hands on the vanity, dropping her head to her chest. "Go." The fact that she doesn't want me near her hurts a place that hasn't been hurt in a while. But this is her. This is her survival. She is trying to protect me from all of her fear and worry. And if she thinks that words will make me leave well… then she is insane. I pull my arms from around her waist and place a kiss on her shoulder before stepping back and sitting on the edge of the tub. She becomes visibly frustrated when I make no motion to leave. "Calliope, when I say go I mean it." Arizona's voice is even and low.

"And when I said, Arizona, in my vows, that I promised to repay everything that you have ever done for me, I meant that. You can be angry. You can yell. You can tell me to go. But you can also accept the fact that I will always be right here. No matter what." As my words sink in, my wife's cheeks turn from red to pale pink. She stops biting her lip and I can see what almost resembles a smile. After a long deep breath she lifts her head and meets my eyes in the mirror.

"That was a good day wasn't it?" A hint of the sparkle that I remember in my wife's eyes returns and she smiles warmly. It is a split second before my feet are padding across the bathroom floor to bring me behind her.

"Our wedding day? I would say it was a pretty good day." Her smile widens. "At least in my top ten."

"Top ten?" Arizona's eyebrows draw together and her mouth hangs open. "And assuming that the kids' births take up three of those ten, what exactly encompasses the other six?"

"Hm… well there was the first time that you kissed me." I punctuate my words with a kiss to the nape of her neck. "And the first time that we made love." Another kiss to her neck.

"Mhm."

I smile into Arizona's skin, satisfied that I have made her forget about the anger. I gently bite the skin at her shoulder and neck before running my tongue along the same skin. She is letting her head fall to the side, seemingly enjoying my attention. "And… do you remember that black tight skirt that you have? That you wear with the white shirt and the red heels?"

"Mhm"

"That is number seven through ten." For the first time in days I hear my wife's genuine surprised laugh. She spins in my arms and whispers a quiet "thank you" before capturing my lips in a deep and sensual kiss. Both of us quickly get lost in the feeling that we used to experience so often. The phone must have rung three times before either of us heard it. But when we did finally hear it, well… the world stopped.

Arizona rushes to the kitchen for the phone while I pick up the baby and follow behind her. I don't hear the beginning of their conversation.

"Yes Ma'am… No I understand… Callie will come with me… Ok…" Arizona is leaning against the island in the kitchen with her back to me. Her right hand which is holding the phone is shaking and her knuckles are white. "Yes ma'am… Nicole…" I take a few steps toward her at her change of tone. "Can you tell me anything at all?" I set the baby into his walker at my side before walking to my wife's side. "Ok… thank you. Bye." She sets the phone down and takes a few deep breaths. Her eyes are focused on the floor in front of her.

I gently place my hand on her shoulder and try to find her eyes. "Arizona?" As soon as I say her name, she has turned and crashed her body into mine. Her face is in my neck and I can feel her hot breath coming in short gasps and then I feel her warm tears. She is clinging to the front of my shirt. "Sweetheart, tell me." She shakes her head violently, burying herself deeper into my chest. It takes only about ten more seconds before she is wiping her eyes and trying to regain her composure.

"She uh… she said that we need to go in." Arizona has yet to make eye contact with me. "She won't tell me anything on the phone… just that we need to go in."

"When?"

"Now."

"Ok. Mark can keep Sam" Arizona shakes her head and opens her mouth to protest. At a time like this she wants to do it alone, to keep me from being there for her. "Arizona if you think you are going to push me away you are sorely mistaken." Her eyes snap to mine.

"I was just going to say I want Sam with us, not with Mark." Great. I just yelled at the woman and she only wanted her son to be with her.

"Ah. A little paranoid. Sorry." At least I see her smile. "Let's get him dressed and we will head out, ok?" She nods and walks past me, dragging her hand down my arm as she leaves.

_Arizona's POV_

Nicole has been talking for the last five minutes about treatment. I have lost interest. The only thing in my head right now is how I am going to tell the kids. My surgery is scheduled for next week and I have opted to begin radiation instead of Chemo. If it is ineffective then Chemo will be the alternative. But Callie and Nicole agreed that radiation can work as well and has far less side effects. And I cannot even think about the kids seeing me go through something like chemotherapy. Callie's hand has been clenched in mine since we left the house. Sam is bouncing on her opposite knee. He is playing with a tongue depressor, slapping everything he can reach with it. He looks so happy, so oblivious. My wife is in doctor mode, talking about options for medicines and how long the surgery will last. I appreciate her concern and her willingness to ask all of the questions so that I don't have to. But right now, I just need to get out of here. I need to be with my kids, with my family, at my home. I don't interrupt Callie, I know that her curiosity for all things medical, especially when pertaining to me, are top priority right now, so I silently take our baby, kiss my wife's forehead, and walk out of the door. It is several minutes before she meets me outside. Sam and I have looked at the leaves and watched some birds. I took his shoes off and let him put his feet in the grass. To an observer it looks like we were just enjoying the day. Callie doesn't say a word when she meets us. She doesn't have to. She takes Sam's shoes and socks and places her empty hand in mine. Our walk to the car is slow, each of us dreading what has to happen tonight. The talk with the girls.

Sophia's POV

When they picked us up from school I knew that something was up. I thought that it was just an argument or mom was feeling bad again, but now that they have us seated in the living room, I know that it is something more. My immediate thought is divorce. But a lot of my friends' parents have gotten divorces and they usually fight for a long time before that happens. And my moms hardly ever fight. If one of them was pregnant then they would be happier than they are now. And if someone had died they would seem sadder. They are just… weird, like they are scared of something. Sarah is sitting close to me on the sofa and our moms are both sitting on the edge of the coffee table facing us. Mom's elbows are resting on her knees and she is massaging her temples. Mami's hands are intertwined and she is looking directly at me.

"Soph, Sarah, Mom and I wanted to talk with you about some stuff if that is ok?" I nod and Sarah scoots a little closer to me. "Well…" Mami takes Mom's hand in her own, "… you guys know how mom has been feeling sick lately?" I nod again and Mom takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. She definitely looks angry. "Well we finally found out what is wrong with Mom and we are going to start fixing her up next week. She has to have surgery which means that she has to go to sleep at the hospital while the doctors try to fix her. Then she will have to go to the hospital a few times a week to get a special medicine to help her." Mami's explanation is dumbed down for Sarah's sake but she has yet to tell us what is really going on. She takes our silence as confusion and continues talking. "You see, Mom has to do something called radiation after her operation. But she will be fine. There is nothing to worry ab…"

"That is enough, Calliope." Mom's abruptness makes Sarah and I jump. Mami stares at her and purses her lips, blinking slowly. Radiation means cancer. As soon as that dawns on me, the whole scene in front of me seems to slow down. I thought that she had the flu or an infection. This is the last thing I expected. Oh God, Sarah. This is going to kill her. Hopefully she is too young to realize. But she is smart. She has already picked up on the tension. She has moved into my shoulder and is looking at our moms out of the corner of her eye. Her chin is already quivering and her eyes are filling with tears. I can't take it anymore. They are scared. Sarah is scared. They aren't telling me everything.

"What kind?"

Mami looks to me. "What do you mean, sweetie?"

"It is cancer. What kind?" She looks to Mom before shaking her head and opening her mouth to answer. She is cut off by mom.

"Breast cancer, baby." Mom answers. The edges of her mouth turn up into a sad smile but her eyes don't mirror that smile. When Sarah takes a shaky breath I bolt off of the sofa and into my room. If they think that I am going to sit here and let them dumb down the whole conversation like I am the five year old then they have something else coming. I dart straight to my computer and open up the web browser, hell bent on finding out everything that I need to know. It is mere seconds before Mom is walking through my door and straight to my side. She kneels down beside my chair and rubs my leg.

"I know that you need to find out for yourself, sweetie. But there is going to be a lot of scary stuff that you find. And I really want you to talk to me about it before you get scared, ok?" I don't respond to her request instead just narrowing my eyes and feeling my fingers graze over the keyboard in front of me. "I will be downstairs when you are ready to talk." She stands and moves behind me. The tears that I have kept at bay fall freely when she wraps her arms around me. "Everything is going to be fine. I promise." She leaves my room and I focus on the screen. About an hour later, I have found and memorized all of the information that I care to know about what my mom will be facing. Lumpectomy, radiation, oral chemotherapy, mastectomy… I know it all. Just as she said, she is waiting downstairs when I return. Mom and Sarah are elsewhere. She is sitting in the chair with her feet propped up on the table. I take a seat on the edge of the table mirroring her previous position.

"Ok. I am ready to talk." We talk for the next almost hour about options and medicines and side effects of treatment. I spit out the odds of remission and she listens. The conversation is hopeful, neither of us willing to be anything but optimistic for the other at this point. We all have a long and scary road ahead of us. But all that I know right now is that my mom does not make a promise that she can't keep. And she told me that everything is going to be ok. So it has to be.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: There will be some song lyrics that are introduced over the next few chapters. None of them are mine. Thanks for all of you who are giving the story a chance. It may not be a joyful ride but I am enjoying writing it. But without the readers and reviewers it would be pointless. Some of my best work with my last story came from you guys suggesting what you wanted to see or read. That of course is welcomed again. I would love a fresh outlook and try to incorporate it into the story. Next chapter is up. Enjoy! Oh, and flashbacks are in italics.

Arizona's POV

There are not many things that scare me. Not on a consistent basis, anyway. Sure my adrenaline would start pumping on the way to a hot call and I would get nervous. I was scared a few times while I was active on the force. But nothing that lasted longer than the time it took me to get someone on the ground. Once the cuffs were on the fear was gone. Satisfaction and accomplishment took its place. I remember this one time that I was responding to a call of a burglar. The owner of the home called 911 and I was only three blocks away. I got there first and could hear screaming inside the house. It is protocol to wait until backup arrives before we enter such dangerous conditions. But I could hear her screaming. So I went in. I was scared that day. The adrenaline masked it a little. But my shaking hands and ragged breath gave me away. My voice cracked on the radio as I relayed to headquarters and my partner what I had. I was scared of the unknown. And everything was an unknown. I didn't know how many people had broken in, where they were inside the house, if they had weapons, if they knew that I was there, or if they cared. It is bad when they don't. Everything worked out well that day. Just as I kicked the door in the woman escaped and ran past me out of the house. The lone suspect fled out of the back of the house and my partner arrived just as I took chase. We got him and no one was hurt. I have been lying here listening to the rain for the past two hours trying to remember a time that I was that scared. Other than right now. Callie had some complications with Sarah and had to have an emergency C-Section. That scared me. But Addison was able to explain to me everything that was going on and exactly what would happen. Sarah had flipped herself the month before delivery and was breach. Delivery became too risky so Callie had a section. Had it not been for Calliope, I would have been a basket case. She was so calm, so reassuring. She was in her element. This is not her element. Or mine.

Calliope is sleeping soundly next to me. The weather is bad tonight. Seattle is normally rainy but it is storming tonight. The lightening lights up our room about every twenty seconds just before the thunder shakes the windows. Sarah showed up at the door just before 10pm. She is wrapped in Callie's arms, both facing away from me. Every now and then, when the thunder rumbles, one of them will jump, waking Callie enough for her to scoot closer to me. She is backed up to my side, using my arm as a pillow. Soft music is coming from the baby monitor. We play Sam a CD when the weather is bad so that the thunder doesn't wake him. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. It is working tonight. Between rumbles of thunder I hear the soft sound of Sophia's guitar. My oldest girl has been having a rough time sleeping. She has her mother's pride which makes coming into our room to sleep impossible. Instead, she plays her little heart out on her favorite instrument. It seems to soothe her. If Callie were awake she would have a fit that she is not sleeping. It is a school night after all. But Sophia and I are the same. I get it. What's keeping her up is the same thing keeping me up. We are scared. But neither of us will admit it. It is the unknown again. The same thing that always gets me.

A particularly loud sound of thunder rolls through the house and I feel Callie stir next to me. As soon as the rumbling stops I listen for the familiar sound of the guitar but it doesn't come. Callie cranes her neck to look at me, her body still facing the opposite way. She smiles and rolls Sarah over her so that she in between us. Sarah immediately throws an arm and leg over my midsection and lays her head on my shoulder. Callie moves in as close as she can and lays her arm over my stomach, resting her hand on my hip. Sarah makes a few pitiful moans which signal her discontent that her sleep has been disrupted. Callie's breathing evens and the sound of the guitar starts up again. My little family paints a beautiful picture. This picture without me in it… that is what scares me.

The surgery was a "success". It was two weeks ago. They had to take more than they planned. Looks have never been a huge thing for me. Yes I love dressing up and looking like a woman. But it wasn't something that identified who I am. I was wearing sweats and an old PD shirt when I met Calliope. She was wearing an ass-less hospital gown. And my boob-crushing vest was a necessity for the first two years that she and I were together. So I am not scared that the change in my body will make her leave. It is just the fact that this wasn't my choice. I didn't sign up for this. I was in the hospital for three days and started radiation. Normally, if the cancer was only in the breast then the surgery would be the end of it. But the scans showed that there were cancerous cells in my lung and other breast as well. Radiation was supposed to kill the cells or at least make them less likely to affect other cells. But it didn't work. And Callie and Nicole didn't want to wait long. So… chemo it is. It started two days ago. I will be going to the hospital three times a week for an hour long chemo treatment. The first round was not that bad. I was a little nauseous afterward but it was not as bad as I expected. But I know it will get worse. The listlessness, the loss of weight, the other losses. It is not even something that I want to think about. You know hair isn't a big deal. It really isn't. I could care less if mine is blonde, black, short, long, whatever. But once it is gone, there is no hiding that I am sick. There is no hiding from Sophia and Sarah that everything is ok. It makes it real. And it being real… that scares me.

_The next day_

Callie's POV

An interesting thing happens when you become a mother. One day, out of the blue, you just don't matter anymore. Your life is not lived for you anymore, it is lived, every moment, for someone else. Every concern that you had when you were still just a woman, it all changes. I used to worry about how people treated me and if anyone would truly love me. I used to worry about my clothes and my hair and my make-up. I used to worry about my accolades as a surgeon. When Arizona came along I worried that she would leave me or that she would be taken from me. From me. Now, when I think of her being sick, the only thing in my head are our kids. Arizona being sick is scary. It is terrifying. She is the love of my life, the only person that I have ever truly loved. And to even imagine her in pain cuts to my very soul. But there are no words that I can give to the feeling that I have when I think about my children losing their mother. Sophia's eyes change every time that I speak to her, about anything. She is always expecting the worst. Sarah is withdrawn and clings to Arizona as if her life depended on it. And in a way, it does. Arizona is her rock. She always has been. She is the most constant thing in her life. And Sarah feels that if she is out of her sight for a minute, that she might lose her. And nothing is scarier for a child.

Arizona's second round of chemo is not faring as well as the first. She has vomited three times and is barely able to open her eyes at the moment. She hasn't lost her ability to curse every member of the staff that walks into the room, however. There are five other people receiving the same treatment in the room. All at various stages of chemo. The woman closest to Arizona is pale. Her face is full and round, a side effect of the steroids. And her hair is gone. She has been talking to Arizona since her first bout with nausea and seems to be calming her. I learn that this is her second bout with cancer and chemo at only 48 years old. That is only 12 years older than my wife. She has no husband. One adult child who lives out of state. She lost her job due to the treatment. The woman's hand has been resting on Arizona's arm for several minutes and Arizona either does not mind or is too sick to care. Just as the woman is hit with her first wave of sickness, Arizona reverses their roles and reaches across the expanse of their chairs and rubs her arm. They both close their eyes and lay their heads back on the chairs, resting for whatever else is in store. To say that Arizona has been strong is an understatement. She is the same loving, devoted, proud mother and wife that I have always known. She does not know the meaning of down time. But I know that she is scared. And angry. But she has been strong. I took comfort in her stubbornness and strength. That is until last night.

_The thunder ripping through the house has woken me for fourth or fifth time tonight. Each time that I wake up, Sarah is still sleeping soundly in my arms and Arizona's body is close to my back. When I look back, she is staring at the ceiling, her other arm behind her head. Needing to be closer to her, I turn around, not leaving Sarah behind. As Sarah cuddles into her mom I do the same and she welcomes us into her body. She rubs circles on my back and kisses Sarah's forehead then mine. My eyes are closed but I feel her watching me. When she looks back to the ceiling, I open my eyes and watch her. It is not even a minute later that her eyebrows pull together and her eyes shut tightly. The tears that slip from under her eyelids leave a trail on her cheeks to just below her ear. She is biting her lip, trying to stay quiet. I let her cry for several minutes before making any move. She has tried to stay so strong for us lately that she needs this time. She tries to control her breathing by taking deep breaths through her mouth and letting them out slowly. Her tears stop momentarily and she is breathing more regularly. I am just about to pull her closer when Sarah whimpers in her sleep. As "Momma" slips from our daughter's lips I watch Arizona's lose her resolve. Her left hand hides her eyes and silent sobs leave her body. I leave Sarah pressed against her mother's body and remove myself from the bed. As soon as my wife feels the bed move, she tries to wipe her eyes and take calming breaths. But I am at her side of the bed before she reigns in her emotions. _

"_Sweetheart…" My voice is a whisper, not wanting to wake our little girl. Arizona just shakes her head, her hand still covering her face. When I softly grasp her fingers and pull her hand away, her blue eyes find mine. A bold of lightening lights our room just long enough for me to see that her bright blue eyes are blood shot and filled with tears. She reaches up and grabs my shirt, pulling me forcefully down to her. She wraps her arms around me and clings to my body. I take my wife into my arms and sit on the bed, pulling her into a sitting position. It is not long before I feel her tears cooling on my neck. "I'm here." _

"_I'm… I'm scared Callie." My breath catches in my throat at her heartbreaking words. This is not the Arizona that I know. My Arizona is strong and resilient and stubborn. My Arizona is never scared. _

"_I know baby. I am too. But look…" I pull her away from me by her shoulders and look into her eyes. The darkness and the tears in my eyes make everything fuzzy. "You will never, ever be alone. I promise, ok?" Arizona shakes her head and pulls me back in close. It is only a few seconds that Arizona allows herself to break down before she is pulling away from me and wiping her eyes. _

"_I feel so stupid. I hate this. I just feel so… lost." Arizona's words are still a whisper but I can feel the power in them. She doesn't feel like herself. This illness, it is taking away who she is._

"_Hey. Look at me. You are the strongest woman that I know. You know that. You have always been strong for me. And you need to be taken care of right now, ok? So let me be strong. You feel whatever it is that you feel and let me worry about being strong. If you need to cry then cry. I will always be here. And Arizona, if you are lost, let me lead you back. Let me be the one. We are going to do this. Together." I let my words sink in as Arizona tries to read my face. She always does this, in fights, when I am upset, when I am scared. She tries to find the best approach, she is looking for what to expect. And she is doing it now. Sizing me up. Trying to see if I mean what I say. She must find her answer because she nods her head and lets her tears fall freely before crashing her body into mine. _

"_I can't do this on my own… I can't."_

"_Then don't. That's why I am here. Let me show you." Arizona nods into my shoulder._

Her treatment is now done. Arizona's new friend has shared her life story but knows virtually nothing about the woman beside her. Arizona is too weak and sick to talk much. She just nods and smiles when necessary. The nurse has started taking out the IV's on another patient so I move to Arizona and begin to take hers out myself. The nurses are always too rough anyway. I place a gauze pad over the area and pull the needle out slowly, soothing her arm with my fingers. I wait a few minutes to allow Arizona to regain her composure and strength. When she nods to me I take my place at the side of her chair, kneeling to eye level. It takes several second to help her out of the chair, but when I do she uses my shoulder for support to walk out of the room.

I whisper in her ear as we slowly make our way out of the room. "I got you, baby."

"I know."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This is the next installment. I just wanted to say, for those of you who are reviewing, I am so glad that this story is credible enough to be able to touch some of you. That was my main goal. It will get a little more emotional in this chapter and the next few but it'll hopefully be worth it. You guys are awesome for reading and leaving me comments. I love it. I know that many of you liked the relationship between Sophia and her moms in the last story and I hope to be able to show more of that as well as Sarah's. Again, flashbacks are in italics. Hope you enjoy!

Arizona's POV

"I want a tattoo," I tell Callie on our way home from treatment. She gives me a sideways glance and narrows her eyes at me.

"A tattoo…" Her voice in incredulous and monotone.

"Yes. A tattoo." I smile confidently at her before looking out my window.

"So are you thinking barbed wire? Maybe a tribal design around your eye? Portrait of yours truly?" Callie bats her eye lashes at me and smiles at me causing me to laugh for the first time in days.

"The portrait… that sounds like a super idea."

"I would look great on your bicep."

"Oooor my ass." Callie gasps and slaps my arm, causing me to laugh again. I take her hand and lace my fingers between hers, resting our arms on the console. "No, I really was thinking about birth dates. Yours and the kids'. Just something to have on me always. Just the numbers maybe? I don't know. Was just thinking."

Callie looks sideways at me again and stares back out of the windshield, pursing her lips and thinking. "I think that is a great idea. Maybe we could do it together."

"You would do that with me?"

"Of course I would, babe." She squeezes my hand and leans in as I stretch over the console to kiss her cheek. "Is it weird that I am not totally turned off at the prospect of my face tattooed onto your ass?" I laugh at Callie again and we fall into a comfortable silence. This has become our routine. I am three months into chemo and Callie has been at every treatment faithfully. Sam has been to most of the sessions since we don't have him in daycare. Sophia and Sarah are in school so they have not had to come to any treatments. I would prefer it that way. I get sick every time, without fail, and I usually am not up for talking much. But Sam is a welcome distraction for most of us. The patients are not allowed to hold him and he has to wear a little mask when in the room, but Callie is a master at entertaining him and his laugh echoes off of the walls, catching everyone's attention. He started crawling last month. The first time that Callie saw him crawl was in treatment. That isn't his fault, though. Between Sophia, Callie, and I, the boy's feet never touch the ground at home. I am worried that he might never learn to walk. Every time he scoots himself across the floor, someone picks him up to celebrate. He is a good baby. All of our kids were. And I miss them. That is the worst part about all of this, how much it has taken me away from them. I am still home every night but it is not like it was. Before all of this we would talk together and have dinner together and split bath duties. Now, most of the time, I am too exhausted to help much. For the first month I stayed in our room and slept but when I started realizing what a toll it was taking on the kids, I now am placed promptly on the sofa after treatment and stay there until bedtime. Callie and the kids have moved dinner time to the living room on most nights unless I am feeling up to staying at the table. Some days are better than others. Some days I feel almost normal and am able to help with dinner and talk with the kids before bed like before. But some days it is bad. Some days I am too sick to open my eyes and look at my girls or play with my little boy. That is when it gets really rough.

Sarah has adjusted well which has been a surprise. The hardest part for her lately has been my change in appearance. My skin is paler and I have started losing my hair. It was easy for Callie to tell the five year old that her Momma was just tired but would be better tomorrow or the next day. But now that she can see the change, she is upset more often. She has shied away from me on occasion. It is a big deal for her though. And we are trying to let her process in her own way. It if gets too tough for her then we will figure something out. Sophia tried for a while to take on my role completely. She would do more chores and help with dinner and take the baby without being asked. We had to put a stop to it. Sophia has been a little more withdrawn lately. She stays in her room a lot and plays her music. Music and gymnastics is her release and we do everything that we can to give her that time and get her to the gym for practice. Nights are our time. After the little ones are put to bed and while Callie is cleaning or bathing, Sophia and I watch television or talk. She sometimes plays a song for me but it is rare. It only happens when my asking gets particularly annoying for her. And even when Callie isn't preoccupied, she still seems to find things to keep her busy so that we can have our time. And Callie… she has been more than amazing. She has taken on the extra responsibility in stride. She has been everything to me and to us. I could not ask for a more supportive wife and family.

I started counseling a few weeks ago. It seems to be helping with the sadness and fear. I am finding that it is a little easier to adjust to treatment and I am not so angry every day. But I know that some of that is just getting used to it. Which kinda stinks. This isn't something that I want to get used to. But I feel like I have had my fair share of self-pity and loathing. It isn't fair anymore. Expecting my family to deal with their emotions as well as my own is too much for them. Too much for Callie. God, she is carrying the weight of all of us. She is the last to get angry, the last to be scared, the last to cry. After everyone else. It isn't fair really. Her strict rationalism and science has saved me a thousand times. Most of those times she has saved me from myself. She feeds me the odds and my progress and warns me of what is to come. She keeps me honest. I owe her everything. But I also know her more than she knows herself and I know when it is her time to break down. It doesn't happen often but it happens. And no matter how weak I get, I will always find the strength to wrap my arms around her and be her comfort, even if I am the one causing the pain.

Callie's POV

For all intensive purposes, Arizona's treatment is working. The cells aren't reproducing. Her levels are good. Her counts are normal. She seems to be responding well. Seems to be. From a medical perspective she is doing fine. Great even. What they don't tell you at the hospital and in medical school about cancer and treatment is that even though it may cure the body, what it does to the spirit is totally different. Arizona's body is not hers. It is a betrayal. The constant pain, the constant sickness, the constant fear and worry… it is brutal. My strong, determined, amazingly self sufficient wife is all of a sudden… not. Now don't get me wrong. I signed up for this. The good and the bad. I do not regret a single day that I have had her in my life. But I would be lying if I didn't say some very questionable things to my God. But all in all, she is handling it well. The past few weeks have been better. Whether it be the counseling or resistance to the treatment, something is working. The light in her eyes that I used to see every time that she looked at me had faded nearly completely. But I have seen glimpses of it lately. Her good days are good and her bad days aren't so bad. Treatment today was pretty good. We talked on the way home about tattoos and we laughed a little. I had an unexpected call today. One that I am dreading speaking to my wife about. The call came to my cell phone at about 1:30…

"_Shit. Go ahead and grab that for me, it's Sarah's school." My annoyed intern begrudgingly obeys, irritated with having to handle my personal matters in the middle of a surgery. I stop my work for the next half minute or so, trying to read an expression on the masked face to the side of me. _

"_Ok. I will tell her right now. Thank you." She ends the call and placed my phone back on the tray. "Uh that was the principal or something, she said she needs you or Arizona at the school. Your kid is fine but she needs to talk to you." My heart immediately drops. Even hearing that Sarah is fine doesn't ease my mind much. She is not a trouble maker or one to cause a scene. She is the quiet, smart little girl that all the teachers love. I continue with the surgery until I am sure that the intern can take over without killing the patient, and I scrub out. Calling the Chief is done after I am already out of the hospital and on my way to the school. _

"_Yes I am uh, I was called? For Sarah… Robbins-Torres." The secretary nods and picks up her office phone. After telling who I can only assume was the principal that I had arrived, she ushers me to the rear of the building where I meet the woman outside of her office. She greets me with a pleasant smile and a hand shake. _

"_Mrs. Torres, so nice to see you. I hope I didn't pull you away from anything important."_

"_Just building legs, that's all. What is going on?"_

"_Well I had a little talk with Sarah today and she… well she told me about her other mother. I wish that you had informed us of this. We would have let the teachers know and we could have…"_

"_Did you call me down here to berate me for not spreading my wife's health concerns around the city?" My harsh words are not intended for the woman. It is just not every day that I am getting pulled out of surgeries for one of my kids and the fact that it happened today has me worried. _

"_No ma'am. Of course not." The woman looks at her feet. "It is just that, well we only came to know about it because we had to speak to Sarah. She had an incident that was a little abnormal, especially for her. She isn't in trouble, by any means, we just wanted to let you know because she is obviously having some difficulty coping with the changes at home. And I hope that you don't feel that I am overstepping any boundaries by talking to you about this. We just all know and love both of your girls and Sarah is hurting. So we wanted to get you involved immediately."_

_The panic rises in my gut at the talk of my little girl in this way. "What did she do?" _

"_It really is not as big of a deal as it seems, Mrs. Torres." She offers a sympathetic smile and opens the door to her office. As I step inside she closes the door behind me, leaving me alone in the room. It isn't until I see the chair at the woman's desk spin around that I see that my daughter is in the room as well. When I catch a glimpse of her I gasp. Her beautiful long light brown hair has been chopped off on the right side and hangs at an odd angle just above her chin. The left side is uneven and longer than the right. I can see that she has been crying and she has yet to meet my eyes. When I cross the room to kneel before her, her bottom lip sticks out and her eyes fill with more tears. _

"_Baby…" I whisper, not wanting to scare her, "What happened?" I am met with only a shake of her head as her tears begin to fall. I touch the jagged edges of her hair in disbelief but am quickly pulled out of my focus when she sniffles. The small girl falls into my embrace and I rock her back and forth, patting her back. "Sweetheart, Mami isn't mad. Can you just tell me what happened?" _

"_I cut it."_

"_But why baby? I thought you loved your long hair." She just shakes her head. "If you wanted shorter hair we could have brought you to get it cut. You didn't have to do it yourself at school." Sarah shakes her head again. I pull her away from me by her shoulders and lift her chin so that she has to look at me. "Sarah, tell me sweetheart."_

"_It's for Momma." _

Arizona will wake up any minute and will undoubtedly notice the new hairstyle that or middle child is sporting. I make the wise decision to give her a heads up before Sarah's admission rips her heart out. As soon as Arizona wakes up I take her to our bedroom and tell her what happened at school today. She, of course, is emotional. We thought that Sarah was adjusting well and that we had done everything that we could do. To know that she was having these feelings and looking for a way to identify with her mother again, it crushes us. We don't say much, I just let Arizona come up with her own way of handling it. If I trust our children with anyone it is her. Once she is back on the sofa, I head to Sarah's room where I find her and Sophia talking while the oldest girl tries her best to comb the uneven locks. I lead Sarah out of the room by her hand and bring her to her mother.

"Hey big girl." Arizona croons, lifting her blanket to allow Sarah to crawl onto her lap. "That is a nice new hair-do you got there. Who do I need to pay?" Sarah's shy smile sparks my own and I walk to the kitchen to attempt to make myself look busy but not too busy to hear what is being said.

"Mami told me that you cut your own hair, kiddo. Is that true?" Sarah nods. "Can you tell me why, sweetie?" Sarah looks at her mother, undoubtedly trying to read her expression like her counterpart does daily. She is looking for disapproval or anger, anything that will give her an excuse to not talk. When she doesn't see it she leans into Arizona's shoulder.

"I didn't want you to be sad about your hair anymore, Momma. Now you and me can have no hair together." Sarah's voice is almost hopeful, pulling at straws to please her mother and make her happy. I cannot see Arizona's face but my daughter has the uncanny ability to mirror expressions, so I feel certain that her protruding lip and welling eyes are being displayed by her mother as well. My wife wraps her arms around our daughter and holds her tight, both of them crying.

"You are such a sweet girl, you know that?" Arizona reassures Sarah, getting a nod in return. "And I am so happy that you thought about me. Because I am always thinking about you." Arizona's voice cracks at her admission. "And if you want to have hair like Momma then I would be so happy." Arizona's voice cracks again and she takes two calming breaths before trying to speak again. "But how about we leave it in the middle, like it is now, just for a little while. Not too short like mine and not long like Mami's. You will be the perfect mix of both of us." Sarah glances over the sofa to me and I smile and nod, showing my approval. It is only a few seconds before she smiles and nods at her mother.

"Ok."

"Ok baby. And if you really want to cut your hair one day, just tell me or Mami. We will get it cut however you want. Just talk to us, ok? About anything." She is met with a nod of Sarah's head.

"I sorry, Momma."

"Don't be sorry, sweetheart. That was very sweet what you did. And I feel very special that you want to look like me. I love you, ok?"

"I love you too, Momma."


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the delay. Next chapter is up. Hope you like it. Thank you guys for the reviews. Song lyrics are not mine, nor are the characters or any scene with a semblance to anything that you have seen before. Just having fun.

Sarah's POV

Momma has been sick for a long time. All of her hair is gone. I wanted to cut mine like her but when I cut my hair it school Mami and Momma cried. I think it made them sad. And I don't want to make them sad. But I wish I could cut it. I am more like Mami than Momma because our hair is dark and I can talk in Spanish like her. But since Momma doesn't feel good, I want to look like her so she will know I love her. And so she won't feel sad about her hair. She is still a pretty mom. Even with no hair. And she is still nice like always. She even lets me sleep with her and Mami now almost every night. I miss Frank and Walter, my animals that sleep with me. But they have to stay in my room and watch over it and I told them that I need to be with Momma now and I think they understand. I miss Soph, too. She doesn't talk to me like she used to. It used to be me and her all the time. We would talk about movies and boys and gymnastics. But she has been too sad to talk to me. Mami has been sad too. Sometimes I hear her cry at night. Sometimes Momma is awake and can make her not cry but sometimes she is sleeping. And I can't ever make Mami not cry. So it just makes me cry. And Sophia always told me that big girls don't cry. But Mami is a big girl. And if she can cry then I can too. That is what Momma said. Mami told me that Momma will start feeling better soon but I don't think I believe her. Because if she knew that Momma would get better then she wouldn't cry. We all wouldn't cry.

Mami doesn't go to work much anymore. She always picks me and Sophia up from school. I miss when Momma did it. We would sometimes get ice cream after school or Momma would be silly and make us laugh. But Mami seems too sad. And me and Sophia don't want to ask to get ice cream because we have to hurry home so someone can take care of Momma. I like when I can take care of her. But Mami only lets me bring her food and tuck her in. I don't get to help with her medicine but I watch Mami do it. Me and Momma read a book every night before bed. Just me and her. And when I have to take my bath then Sophia trades places with me and her and Momma talk. Sam gets his Momma time all the time since he is still a baby. Yesterday was Sophia's birthday. She got a big girl guitar. She gave me her smaller one but I don't know how to play yet. She said she will teach me. Soph got a diary and some shoes, too. She was supposed to be happy on her birthday but she wasn't. Mami and Momma wanted to go to the movies but Soph said she wanted to stay home. I think she is too sad about Momma. She gets sad when Momma is sick after getting her medicine and I think she is scared, too. And that makes me scared.

I wrote a letter to God today. I told him that I am sorry for all the mean things I said to Soph and the means things I thought about Sam when Mami and Momma were too busy with him. I told him that I didn't want my Momma to be sick anymore and if he could just make me sick instead then it would be better. Because Momma has to take care of Mami and Soph and Sam. And she helps nice people and stops bad guys. And people aren't always nice to her but she is always nice to them. And my teacher said that God can do anything. So I keep asking to make me sick instead but it doesn't work. Maybe he isn't listening. But Momma told me that he can always hear us so I keep praying. I just want my Momma to feel better. And I want my Mami to not be so sad. I want us to be like we used to be. And I don't want my Momma to die.

Callie's POV

Well Arizona is still doing well, all things considered. She is in her last phase of Chemo. The cancer is almost gone. We haven't told the kids all the details yet, just that she will be better real soon. But I am sure that they think that we are feeding them a load of crap. Arizona had not had to stay overnight in the hospital since her surgery. But about five days ago she developed a respiratory infection that sent her poor body spinning downward. She lost all strength that she had, she wasn't breathing well, she looked horrible. So, after a long debate, I had her admitted. It was probably one of the hardest things that I have had to do yet. I knew it was the right thing to do. I can only bring home so many supplies and treat her. But she knew that if she went into the hospital that she might not be out for Sophia's birthday. Had she had any strength at all and any more life in her eyes, she would have probably won that fight. Thank goodness all the kids were visiting Mark.

"_Ca…Callie… please."_

"_Arizona. Don't do that. You are coughing up blood, you can barely move, you are spiking a temp at 103. You are going." I am speaking to Arizona across the apartment as I pack some belonging to take with us to the hospital. She coughs intermittently and I pause my movements to make sure that she is able to catch her breath. When she does I hurriedly try to finish. _

"_Just… give me one… more day. I pr…promise I can… can beat this." I refuse to go back into that living room and let her see me crying. If I have to be the hardass just to get her to cave and let me take her in then that is what she will get. An ambulance will be more embarrassing._

"_You have an infection. You are going."_

"_I have fuc…fucking cancer. I have been… sick for months. It's a damn cough Cal….Calliope."_

"_Arizona, if we go now then they will treat you and release you for the party. The longer you fight the longer til you get out." I hear a sigh and soft footsteps slowly moving in my direction. "Arizona sit down. I will be there in a minute." Of course she doesn't listen. Sick or not, the cop in my wife makes her utterly incapable of taking direction. When I feel her presence behind me I throw on my best glare and spin to give it to her. My look fades as I am met with a steady stream of tears flowing down my wife's cheeks. Her eyes are pleading with me and she is bracing herself with the door frame._

"_Calliope… please." She takes two more steps toward me before I envelop her in my arms. _

"_Baby, it is just the hospital. You have been in one how many times? You just need some breathing treatments and some antibiotics."_

"_But what if… its more. What if this is… more? I just want to be here. With you. And my… my family. Please don't take me. I am begging." She sobs into the front of my shirt and wraps her arms around my back. "I just want to be with my family."_

_Her words absolutely break my heart. She is afraid that she will die. That she won't come home. Tears well in my eyes but it is a mere second before I am shaking them clear. A rush of anger courses through me. I pull her back a little rougher than intended and put my palms against her cheeks. "You listen to me, damn it. Arizona you will come home. With your family. Before her birthday. You will. And if you start telling yourself this shit then that is when it wins. You are not going to let it win. We are almost done. Almost. This is something small. And we will treat it like it is something small. And we will tell it that it will not win. It will not beat us. Because we are stronger than this. We always have been." Arizona's chin quivers and she lets her head fall to my shoulder. When she nods into my neck I grab the bag that is not completely packed but will have to do and lead her to the door. We are stronger than this._

I didn't lie to her that night. She was out for Sophia's birthday. Two days before it actually. And she was actually feeling well enough, or at least pretending that she was, to go out and celebrate. But Soph just wasn't feeling up to it. She has been the most affected by it all. She said that she wanted some time alone with just the family. And I will probably never forgive myself for allowing my daughter to spend her 13th birthday at home watching movies. But I just didn't know what else to do. We will celebrate. One day soon we will celebrate enough for a hundred birthdays. I just know that this is one that she will always remember. And that guilt weighs on me. But it weighs more so on Arizona.

All was not lost that night, however. After she opened her presents and we were all settled into the living room getting ready to watch a new movie, Sophia ran into her room and came back with her guitar. She doesn't normally play in front of us and we don't like to force her to. She tuned her new instrument and absentmindedly picked a few strings while the movie began. I could tell that there was something on her mind, but this has been the norm for the past six months. She is just one of those kids that internalizes and thinks too much. Just like her moms. Out of earshot of the others, I whispered to her and asked her to scoot closer to me. She did and denied that anything was wrong, even though her tattered lip told otherwise. She had been biting it for twenty minutes.

"I wrote a song."

"You wrong a song? All by yourself?" Sophia nods. "What's it about?" My daughter shrugs and begins biting her lip again. "What's is called?" She shrugs again and fidgets with the guitar in her hands. "Personal?" When she nods I pull her into my body and give her a tight one-armed hug. We watch the movie for a few more minutes, neither of us paying attention. Out of the corner of my eye I can see her eyes roaming from me to Arizona to the guitar and back to the television. I have learned to just let me oldest girl work in her own time. When she is ready she is ready and not a moment before then.

"Can I play it for her?" Sophia asks, looking up at me.

"For who, baby?"

"Mom."

"The song is for Momma?" She nods. "Ok, sweetie. Of course you can. Whenever you are ready." She nods but makes no attempt to move. Another 15 minutes of movie time crawl along before she removes herself from my embrace and takes a deep breath.

"I wrote a song and I want to play it for you." Sophia's words are abrupt and rushed causing Arizona and Sarah to look at her startled. I smile at her actions knowing exactly who she gets that from. If blurting inappropriately were a genetic defect then I would be the one to blame for that one.

Arizona makes eye contact with Sophia and then looks to me. I nod at her and she silently nods at our daughter. "Ok." Arizona turns the television down but the movie continues to play, none of us mind. Sophia takes a few calming breaths and closes her eyes as her fingers gracefully fall over the strings. I have heard my daughter sing before and, of course to me, she is the most talented and wonderful thing that has ever graced God's earth. But even to others, she has a beautiful voice. She has a slight rasp in her voice which makes her words sound emotional and she can hit a low note like a pro. I have never seen her this in her element before, though. Her eyes are closed as she starts the intro to the song. Her right hand ghosts over the body of the guitar sounding a beautiful chord in its wake. The fingers on her left hand move from string to string, sounding different tones with each strum. Sarah is smiling brightly watching her sister make the beautiful sounds and Arizona has a hint of a smile and her eyes are wide. Sophia opens her mouth and Arizona mimics the action. When Sophia's first line sounds through the room, Arizona and I both take in a shaky breath. I can instantly see tears in her mother's eyes.

_People always say I have a laugh like my mother does_

_Guess that makes sense, she taught me how to smile when things get tough_

_I've got her spirit, she's always got my back_

_When I look at her I think, I wanna be just like that_

Sophia's quick strumming slows to a stop as her words stop. I look to Arizona who now has a hand covering her mouth while the other lays over Sarah's chest. Her tears have started falling. She knows that this song is for her.

_When I love I give it all I've got like my mother does_

_When I'm scared I bow my head to pray like my mother does_

_When I feel weak and unpretty I know I'm beautiful and strong because_

_I see myself like my mother does_

Tears that I didn't even know were there have started covering my cheeks. If Sophia's eyes were open I am sure that I would see them in hers too. Her fingers play the familiar verse chords and she taps her foot with the beat. She looks so serene, so in her element, so vulnerable. Even in the safety of her home, I know how hard this is for her. She is singing to her mother about how much she means to her while she is sitting beside her fighting the fight of her life.

_I've never met a stranger, I can talk to anyone_

_Like my mother does_

_I let my temper fly, but she can walk away_

_When she's had enough_

Tears slip from under my daughter's eyes as she powers through the next chords. She opens her eyes and chances a look at me and then at Arizona. We both smile at our daughter and she closes her eyes before taking a deep breath. When she starts again her voice is louder and has more conviction. Her tone is still as beautiful as ever and blends perfectly with the now faster strumming.

_She see's everybody for who they really are_

_I'm so thankful for her guidance, she's gotten me this far_

_When I love I give it all I got like my mother does_

_When I'm scared I bow my head to pray like my mother does_

_When I feel weak and unpretty I know I'm beautiful and strong because_

_I see myself, like my mother does_

Sophia's playing fades out after the lyrics are finished. After the music stops completely, it is several seconds before Sophia opens her eyes. Her first look is to her mother. Arizona softly shifts Sarah's weight off of her and crosses the distance between herself and her oldest. I hear Arizona's ragged breath and she takes Sophia into her arms and whispers into her ear. I don't know what is being said. I don't need to. The lyrics said it all. That was her song.


	7. Chapter 7

So it has been a while but I finally got another chapter up. Thank you all for continuing to send me messages and alerts about the story. It is nice to know that some of you missed it. I hope you enjoy.

Callie's POV

The trip to the hospital was unusually quiet the morning after Sophia's impromptu concert for her mother. I could see the pain and the pride in Arizona's eyes last night and was surprised at how well she was able to keep it together through the rest of our movie night. After Sophia's dedication to her mom and the tearful response that followed, we settled back down for the rest of the movie. Arizona and Sarah were sprawled out on the sofa together and Sophia had curled up at their feet. I was alone on the chair until Sam became fussy and then he and I shared the space. Having nowhere near the ability to calm him like Arizona can do, he continued to cry until I conceded to fix him a late night snack. Arizona stirred awake with his cries and asked to take him while I fix the bottle. She turned on her back and we both waited for Sarah to snuggle into her left side before I laid our little man on her right side. She wrapped him up in her only available arm as he scooted his way up to her neck. She gave me a sweet smile and nodded before I was off to the kitchen to make a bottle. It took me all of two and a half minutes to fix food for our boy, but when I returned to the living room, he and all three of my girls were fast asleep. Sophia's legs were intertwined with Arizona's and I immediately took note of the fact that they are almost the same length. I will have to do something about all of this growing she is doing. Sarah had a grimace on her face, a sure sign that she is fighting off some big bad monster in her dreams. Sam was fighting sleep with all of his might, but the weight of his eyelids finally won out and he took a ragged breath before sighing and letting sleep take over. At that moment, in her sleep, my wife pulled him and her youngest daughter in just a little tighter. I picked up my phone slowly from the couch that I was sitting on and snap a picture of the scene in front of me. Now I have saved lives. I have been to foreign countries for peace rallies. I have put together limbs and bodies that would have perished without me. I have witnessed the miracle of birth, three times. Arizona and I both saved a child. Together. I have seen some beautiful things in my life. But nothing… nothing came close to that. You know that feeling after you accomplish something big that you have wanted to do for a while or after a particularly productive day where you get home and collapse on the couch and are just content with how life is? Or during the holidays where your whole family is in one place and you look around and think that everything that you love is in this one room. That is how I felt. Everything that I needed, everything that I wanted was in pajamas on the couch. And for a moment we were back six months. For a moment our family was perfect and beautiful. For a moment Arizona was healthy again. But before I could stop it, the color that I remember faded from Arizona's face and it was replaced with the pale powdery color that she wore every day. Before I could stop it, the long beautiful blonde hair that I remembered disappeared and in its place was a crochet cap. Before I knew it I was in tears and throwing an entire bottle into the sink to spoil while I wallowed in self-pity. You know, it's a funny thing about being a mom. I mentioned it before, but all of a sudden, you don't matter anymore. Everything you do, everything you are is for someone else. And there is a funny thing about cancer, too. It has the same effect. Everything that you once were is changed by this disease that you didn't ask for, that you don't deserve. And I was tired. Seeing my wife with our three kids just reminded me of her mortality. It reminded me of that fact that she is struggling, that we all are struggling. It reminded me of the fact that I have devoted my whole life to saving lives just to have the only life that has ever mattered almost slip away before my eyes. As I walked to our room, hell bent on hiding my emotions from my family for the umpteenth time since Arizona's diagnosis, I passed the three loads of laundry that are waiting for me by the laundry room. The thought to get ahead on the housework while everyone is sleeping crossed my mind, but I was taken back when anger set in. I was angry. Pissed rather. Pissed that there is no one to do the laundry, but me. Pissed that there is no one to take the kids to school, but me. Pissed that my wife is a shell of what she used to be because of this invader to her body. I was pissed that she is so stubborn and goes to the hospital at the last possible second. I was pissed that I cannot comfort my son. I was pissed that I have not been able to have sex with my wife in over a month because she is nauseas every three minutes. I was pissed that I could not save her the way I have saved hundreds of other people. I was pissed. And I was tired. And I made a mistake…

_Picking up my phone which had been discarded after my picture taking, I send a message off to Mark. _

_**Please tell me you are free tonight.**_

_Not free. But I can offer a discounted rate._

_**Ignoring that. I need to get out for a while, grab a drink or something.**_

_Lex is sleeping. Joes?_

_**Be there in 10.**_

_I have two options. One, I can go and wake up Arizona and tell her that I am going out to grab a drink. But then she will probably ask me why I need to go and that will wake the kids and I will have to explain to them and…. Ugh. Or I can just go. I throw on a nice shirt and pair of jeans and try my best to recall how to sneak out of a damn house with four sleeping people occupying the living room. But when I turn up the television a few notches louder and no one stirs, I grab my heels and sneak through the door barefoot. I breathe a sigh of relief just on the other side of the door from my family, and before I open my eyes, my legs are carrying my off of my porch and to my car. Everyone deserves some time away. I shouldn't feel guilty. But I do. It does not take long for me to push those thoughts to the back of my mind and head toward the bar. In a little over an hour I will be back to the grind. Back to being super-mom and wife. I just need some time tonight._

"_Hey there, hot stuff. I ordered a round. Have a seat." Mark greets me as soon as I make my way to the bar. There are about five people in the bar tonight, including Mark and myself. Guess it isn't really popping on a Tuesday night at 9pm. "So what's going on? Tell daddy about it." His choice of words makes me grimace and shoot him a look of disgust._

"_Our daughter calls you that. Do you think you can refrain from making it sound dirty?" Mark laughs and downs another sip of his beer. "I just needed to get out of the house. Need some adult time."_

"_You and blondie fighting?"_

"_No, not at all. It is just… Ya know what, let's not talk about it."_

"_Spill it, Callie."_

"_I am tired. Exhausted, actually. Overwhelmed. Arizona has chemo in the morning. The house is a mess. No one sleeps in their beds anymore and the kids are clinging to Arizona as if their lives depend on it. I have not had a whole meal in weeks. I haven't cut anyone open in what feels like years. It just sucks. Ya know? This whole thing sucks."_

_Mark stared at me expressionless as I poured my woes and self-pity out on the table. I was looking for sympathy. And I thought Mark would be the person to offer it. I thought he would tell me how sucky it really is and how I need a break and how no one should have to go through what I am going through. Well that asshole didn't do that. He did the opposite actually._

"_Did you really come to have beers with me to tell me how shitty your life is? How tired you are? Look I know that this is hard on everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, but let's not lose sight of what is important here." I down another beer as Mark rips into me, giving him sidelong glances as his voice raises. Had we not been two of five patrons in the bar, I would have been thoroughly embarrassed. "When she first got sick you were the one giving her hope to fight. For her life, Callie. Now… what… the dishes are stacked too high for you to see what is important? You are angry that you are having to take care of a woman that accepted our child as her own. The same woman who lived across the hall from that child's father for years. The same woman who pulled you out of a mangled car and is the other mother of your children. I don't remember her crying to me when you were recovering from having Sarah. And if you are under the impression that you weren't a raging ass for that whole month then you are insane. I don't remember this pity when she was pushing out a nine pound baby because it was too dangerous for you to conceive again. You know how many times total I have heard her complain about her life? None. Your life wouldn't be half of what it is now without her. And you know it. She is sick. But she is fighting every day for you. And for the kids. If you want my opinion, you should get your ass back home and thank her for everything she has done for you, for your kids, and for our daughter. I know a good one when I see one, Callie. And our women, they are good ones." Mark pauses for a few minutes when he sees my gaze drop to my lap. I peel the label on my beer and when I realize exactly what I have implied, I shake my head in disgust. "Look, Cal. I know it is hard. It would be hard on anyone. And I am not taking away from you the fact that you have a lot on your plate. What I am saying is, be mad at what deserves your anger. Be mad that this has happened. Be mad at the cancer. Be mad that your wife has to fight it. But don't be mad at her. You know I never was a religious man. And I still don't consider myself as one. But there have been many things in my life that have made me believe in a higher power. That have made me give up the control that I always loved. And I believe that you are with her for a reason. I believe that she was put in your life for a reason. And I believe you were put in hers. You have the strength that she needs. And she has always had the love that you need. So take a few minutes. Refocus. Thank your lucky stars that you have dirty clothes on the floor and dirty bottles in the sink. Because the things that dirty those clothes and bottles, those are the things that have made your life worthwhile. And you know that."_

_Mark's words do little to make me feel better. But I guess I deserve that. And my efforts to hold off the tears aren't enough. I push my beer away and turn toward Mark, burying my head in his shoulder._

"_I'm scared. That's why I am like this. I am scared. All the bitching and complaining, it just distracts me from the fact that I am watching her fight as hard as she can and I can't help. I'm a doctor and I am useless. I gave my whole life to medicine and healing people. And I can't help the one person who needs me most. The one person who I want to save the most." Mark wraps an arm around me and sips a beer with the other. _

"'_She doesn't need saving. She doesn't need a hero. She needs her wife." _

_When I walked back through the door to my house that night I had every intention of apologizing and asking telling her how much I love her. I expected an argument about where I had been or why I smelled like a bar. I had so much that I wanted to say about how much I love and cherish her and her dirty clothes and all of our dirty dishes. I had every intention, but no one was sleeping in the living room when I got home. As I made my way to the back of the house, I opened the bedroom door slowly to find Arizona sitting at the foot of the bed. When her eyes met mine I saw an emotion that I have not seen in a long time. Hurt. I tried to speak but all of a sudden my script seemed incredibly inadequate. She stood, walked to within inches of me, and looked into my eyes._

"_Calliope Torres…" I opened my mouth to speak and tell her everything I had lined up to tell her, but she placed a finger to my lips and shook her head. "Calliope, if this is how it's going to be then I quit." Her hand fell to her side and she walked past me, out of the door, and out of sight. And just like that my heart broke into a million pieces. I followed her into the living room and sat next to her on the sofa. _

"_Why did you go?" She wouldn't even look at me. _

"_I had lot on my mind."_

"_Who were you with?"_

"_Mark"_

"_Where?"_

"_Joe's."_

"_What is going on, Calliope?"_

"_I just needed to talk to someone. I needed to get some things off of my chest. I needed a different perspective. I was feeling selfish and pitiful and all of those things that I don't want my wife to see. I just needed someone to talk to. Someone who I could unload on and not feel guilty about it. I have a lot of issues with this whole thing, Arizona. And I feel like I have let you down. I feel like I should have been able to do something or stop something or… anything to make it all go away. I save people on a regular basis and I can't save you."_

_Arizona turned to me and tilted her head to the side in the way that always made me heart melt. "The only thing that has saved me is you. When I feel like giving up I look at you or a picture of you or I see you in our kids. When I feel like giving up, you are always there. You are the only thing that has kept me fighting. You have saved me. More times than I can count."_

The rest of the night was spent talking about everything that we had been too proud to talk about since the beginning. Everything that we should have always known. And when she fell asleep again, going for a drink was the last thing on my mind. The only thing I was thinking about was how I am never letting her go.


	8. Chapter 8

Just a sweet moment with the girls. To get me back into the writing mood.

Callie's POV

She has been sleeping for about an hour. In fact, everyone has been sleeping for about an hour. I was finally able to get everyone back into the routine of being in our own beds and not huddled together like a little of puppies in the living room. I know they miss her but I miss her, too. And I miss her in a… different way.

She completed her last session of her first round of chemo and radiation yesterday. She also had another scan. We will get the results in a few days. I have not given myself time to think of the possibilities. In my home there is only one, and it is progress. Shrinking, disappeared, remission, cured… all of those are possible. Nothing else. I am hopeful. And she is, too. We have faith. And nothing is more powerful than that. Maybe I am not being realistic. So be it. But my family will not live in fear. We just won't. Some say that I need to prepare the kids. I think there is nothing in the world I can do or say that will prepare them for the worst. So until I am absolutely positive that the worst is coming, I will go right on pretending like it never will. And Arizona understands that.

I enjoy looking at her. Just watching her sleep. Being with her. It doesn't take long at all for the tired face in front of me to turn into the one I fell in love with. She is laying right beside me with her eyes sealed shut and the corners of her mouth turned downward in a dream. Still, after all this time and all of the changes, she is still takes my breath away. I close my eyes and let me mind wander to some of my favorite moments with her. Our first kiss, our first dance as a married couple, dancing in the living room with our girls when we learned of her pregnancy with Sam. The night we made Sam. In our house. In our bed. Just the two of us. With my left arm supporting my weight, I trail my right hand along her jaw line and up to her cheek. My thumb smoothes the lines at the corner of her closed eye. Her eyes still melt me just like the first day. They were the things I clung to that day, and every day after. If you ever wanted to know a mother's love, look into those eyes one day as she holds or hugs or talks to one of our kids. There is nothing like it. She takes a small audible breath and I trace her features across the bridge of her nose, the same nose that wrinkles when she laughs and turns up at the smell of almost any green vegetable. The same nose that brushed against my ear the night she conceived Sam just before I heard "you are amazing." The same nose that can sniff out a child's fib before it even leaves their lips. And I drop my gaze to her perfect pale lips. My favorite part of her. Never before have two things, seemingly so unassuming, had me reeling in the throws of passion like hers. And from behind those lips… the only voice that I want to hear for the rest of my life. My fingertips fall to her throat and I try to clear my head of the unwelcome invasions that always present themselves when I have quiet time to think.

"You are trying to remember." Arizona's voice startles me and I jump, clenching her shirt in my fist.

"What? No."

"You are trying to remember what I used to..."

"Arizona. No. I'm not. I was just thinking…"

"About?"

"About how much I have missed this…" I lean in and press my lips to hers. Her warm breath washes over my face and she pulls away. She opens her mouth to speak but I cut her off with another kiss. It is slow and soft, nothing forced. She is still getting used to her new look and the chemo has kept her so sick that it has been… weeks… since we have shared more than a goodnight kiss. So I wait for a sign, any sign that she wants to keep going. Several seconds pass and… nothing. Several feelings flood through my body and I resolve myself to tell her it's ok and just go to sleep. But when I break from the kiss I hear her soft moan. And not a second later her hand is on my neck, pulling me into her. Her mouth crashes into mine and she runs her tongue across my bottom lip. The next moan I hear escapes from my mouth as she pulls me on top of her and hooks one leg around my thigh, holding me to her. She takes my face in one hand and trails her mouth down my neck to my collarbone and back up to my ear. Her nose brushes over the skin of my neck and her warm breath makes me shudder when she whispers…

"I've missed this, too."


End file.
